It makes me cringe when I hear future parents say this common phrase, “I hope my baby is cute with good hair!”  I’m sure at one point in my life I was either thinking ,or saying the same thing.  I had no clue what I should be praying or hoping for.  Well lets just say my understanding of what really is important with child-birth totally changed on April 11, 2011.  On that day I opened the book of many life lessons such as life is not fair, tragedies will happen to everyone, and the birthing process is not as easy as some people make it out to be.  On 4/11/2011, our baby boy was born without a heartbeat.

At that moment in time, life had literally stopped for me, my heart stopped beating.  I felt trapped inside a dark tunnel with no way to escape.  Life had hit us, and boy did it hit us hard.  Early that morning when I began to have those dreadful contractions, I began to envision what was soon to come.  I saw myself pushing, while screaming at my husband as he did his best to encourage me to get this big baby boy out!  Next I saw myself holding our first born son and kissing his cheeks until they became raw, as my husband watched with a wide grin on his face because he had witnessed the birth of his firstborn son.

Unfortunately, the opposite happened for us.  Till this day, I remember the doctor who came in and said the words I will never forget, “we cannot detect a heartbeat.”  What do you mean you can’t hear his heartbeat???!!!!!!  I had no complications, I was almost 41 weeks, and I never missed any of my check ups.  Everything was fine!  My reality became ill to my stomach.  Why me God???!!!!  Really?  Why couldn’t you pick out another test for us to endure, why this????  I’m not as strong as you think. Lesson learn was that life does not discriminate when it comes to experiencing tragedies and loss.

So when I hear parents talk about the desires of their first child, I quickly chime in and say, “Just pray for a healthy baby with a heartbeat.”  Life is more valuable than anything in this world.

By: Clarissa Doggett
Clarissa is a wife and a mom to three beautiful boys, Roman Thomas, who lives in Heaven and Aiden and Titan. She is also the co-founder of the Angel Baby Network.