The Irreplaceable Child and No “At Least”: Happy Mother’s Day

At this point, I’ve been on this bereaved mother’s journey for nearly four years. While I can say that my days are easier from a grief perspective than they were four years ago, I’ll also admit that there are still plenty of days and nights that are hard and trigger points that spark thoughts of  immense sadness that rear their head(s) at the most unexpected of times. 

On this road, being a part of the sorority that no one wants to join, I’ve met some of the most remarkable women. Women who have endured unthinkable losses and who have somehow mustered up enough strength to go on, one day at a time and consistently “show up” for their families, their friends, their co-workers, their communities and  most of the time at the bottom of the list, themselves.

One of the things that many of us discuss is how our children are unique and irreplaceable and how no matter how many more children we have or how many other children are in our lives due to us being aunts or cousins or loved ones or how old we get or what happens, we know that we’ll never forget the one or two or many of our own children who have passed away. 

The thing about child loss and Mother’s Day is that as a bereaved mom, you are faced with many truths. Two of them being that your child who passed away will always have a special place in your heart that no other child or person can ever fill; and that there is no “at least.”  Phrases like “at least you’re an aunt, at least you have other children or at least you were able to be a mom at one point” don’t make us feel any better….they make us realize that our children are gone.

So, on this Mother’s Day, I want bereaved moms to know that your children matter and that you matter. I know that if you have 10 living children but you had 11 and one of them passed away that you will  always miss that special one. I want you to know that you, mama, are loved and deserve to be loved and that you deserve to go easy on yourself. I know that no matter how many other children are in your life, that your child is irreplaceable and that there is no “at least.”

Continue to keep your child’s memory alive and know that on the day when moms are being honored for their unyielding love, courage, lessons taught, sacrifices made and resilience, that you are one of the best.

Love, light, peace, blessings….and Happy Mother’s Day,

Danielle Nicole Lewis Jones

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