When Mother’s Day is Hard

Mother's Day--giving one backMother’s Day can be hard for some people for a variety of reasons…there are people whose mother has passed away, there are some people who have never had a close relationship to their mother or they were abandoned by her at some point during their life. Others have strained or awkward relationships with their mother and on the day  when everyone else is celebrating their matriarch with ease, these people wish Mother’s Day would quickly pass by.

And then you have people like me whose child has died and she is trying to figure out should she celebrate Mother’s Day too–and if so, how; she’s self conscious because she’s wondering if  other people feel some kind of way for her wanting to celebrate the day; she’s super self conscious because she visibly sees the way others are struggling to figure out if they should or shouldn’t wish her a Happy Mother’s Day and then she’s hurting on the inside because Mother’s Day reminds her of the harsh reality that she went through all of the motions of being a mother (conceiving, carrying, loving and making plans for a child, etc…) but she doesn’t have the child to show for it.  

Here’s my message for the mamas who are struggling on Mother’s Day because of child loss. You are still a mom. You are not less than. Your child passing away doesn’t change those facts. You are loved and you deserve to be told Happy Mother’s Day. You deserve to celebrate today like any other mother. While some moms carry their child in their arms, you carry your child’s spirit in your heart. It is your decision to decide on how you choose to remind people of your little angel or if you decide to keep those memories to yourself. Be gentle to yourself. Accept love from others. Don’t be afraid to correct the people who challenge your “mother” status on this day. And most importantly, know that you are loved and appreciated for the woman and the mother you are. 

Happy Mother’s Day from a mother who “gets it.” 

Danielle Nicole Jones

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